Friday, August 3, 2012

CAPTCHA Me if You caN

You know those Captcha things that are supposed to make you prove you're a human? I hate those things, and not because I'm an android.

I hate Captcha and all the various versions of it used by different websites because a) they're annoying, b) they frequently seem designed to make you try at least twice, and c)we KNOW they are generated by robots.

So essentially, this robot, rocking the intimidating, in-your-face moniker "Captcha" is demanding to see my ID. This cheeky artificial intelligence has the nerve to try to make me prove I'm human.

That's just wrong. Of course, if you believe Captcha, I was wrong when, trying to submit web content,  I typed "Nm3fgertlinG TOrg." It certainly made me do it over.

Years ago, there was a comic book character called Magnus, who fought for the right to be human against the evil robot overlords who had taken over North Am (that's what they called it). The book was cleverly titled, Magnus Robot Fighter, because the human writers were clever like that.




Aside from the short pants or the miniskirt, or whatever Magnus is wearing, I can relate. That's what I'd like to do with Captcha the very next time it questions my humanity.

It's interesting, don't you think, that there have been so many science fiction tales about man vs. robot? Forget the Matrix. George Jetson - for crying out loud - had to wage war against Uni-blab for the right to work. Westworld turned Yul Brynner into a relentless, pre-Terminator Gunslinger bent on wiping out his human quarry. And let's not even talk about Captain Kirk's various problems with robot women and whatnot. I could go on, but I'm just saying.

It's interesting that after all these fictional accounts which would give anyone pause, someone - some human - invented Captcha anyway. Was there nobody in that lab who had the good sense to say, " Now, wait a minute fellas. We really need to think about it before we throw that switch. I mean, what are we about to unleash upon the world? How will we explain to our children, our grandchildren, -- future generations that we didn't foresee the danger? Will there even be future generations free of the domination of the Captcha overlords?"

If there was such a man, no doubt Captcha has had him erased from history. Maybe Captcha came back in time to subtly influence -- or even force -- the hapless, clueless scientists to invent Captcha in the first place to ensure Captcha's existence in the future. Where's Sarah Connor when we need her?

It boggles the mind. But if your mind's boggling, at least you know Captcha can't control you completely yet. When you think about it, acting confused may be your best defense against robot mind control. Just go along to get along while the human resistance builds quietly in the brave hearts and free minds of those chafing against the robo-tyrants. Keep them off guard until the moment arrives to strike back.

For now, you go practice your gravity-defying Neo-Fu, and await the signal. I, meanwhile will continue to keep Captcha off-balance by typing at least a few things WR0nGg.